@barfolishus: If you ever want kids to get louder, just tell them you have a headache.
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@WilliamAder: If you've ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you've seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
@MsFoxIfUrNasty: [at gym] *spends 45 minutes untangling headphones *drops phone, squats to pick it up Phew! Good workout! *leaves
@thedailymarker: When you open your heart to someone, there is blood. Lots and lots of blood. And then you die. So don't open your heart.