@Phantasmagoriax: If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
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@SteveSuckington: [therapy] WIFE: he favors our son over our daughter ME: No way, I love whatsherface just as much as I love Johnny
@junejuly12: Maybe leave yourself in a hot car with a window open one inch for 15 minutes while your dog runs into the store
@Storminika: The only reason I watch political speeches is cause I'm hoping there's gonna be a sniper.