@Phantasmagoriax: If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
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@johncheese: I want to hire someone to wake me up each morning by bursting into my room and yelling, "Get dressed and grab your gun -- they found him."
@FlyJ_: NyQuil: Because who doesn't like to dream about your cat turning into your dog and your dog taking you for a walk and picking up your poop.
@dumbbeezie: I just saw a woman outside sitting alone on a bench and staring at nothing and it made me so sad. I wonder what happened to her phone?
@crimson_n_aqua: Had a discussion with my boss about how lanyards can strangle.... conversation took a turn.... I am either fired or getting a HUGE raise x2