@badAzz_mom: If you ever want your kids to communicate with you, just make sure you're talking to someone else on the phone.
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@NottaBigDeal: I stand in the tampon aisle and when a woman reaches for a box, I snicker and say "you're gross".
@ThaJawn: *hands note Boss: *reading* 'Please excuse my son from' Ridiculous! You're working! *thinking* I practiced my Mom's signature for nothing
@TellingTellers: An interrogator that just goes into the room and loudly eats a peach until the suspect confesses to everything.
@Chumpstring: [bridge] BUNGEE INSTRUCTOR: forgetting something? JUMPER: what? BUNGEE INSTRUCTOR: your harness. JUMPER: oh wait lol i'm not with the group.