@badAzz_mom: If you ever want your kids to communicate with you, just make sure you're talking to someone else on the phone.
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@AristotlesNZ: First rule of Thesaurus Club: You do not talk, speak, chat, deliberate, confer, gab, or converse about Thesaurus Club.
@livingnBoston: NORAD tracking Santa? Really? That's what my tax dollars are going to? You're tracking a fictitious fat dude?
@JesKeepSwimming: Him: "I feel-" Me: "I FEEL IT TOO. IT'S JUST LIKE PHOEBE SAID. YOU'RE MY LOBSTER." Him: "-gassy."
@YesImMatt: A woman could tweet "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I'm not dead ;)"