@tiemespankme: If you fall I will be there - Floor
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@Eightinchgoat: Fun trick: Handcuff her and tell her you're taking her to 50 Shades of Grey. That way she can't escape when you go to The SpongeBob Movie.
@ramenfuneral: when i was a kid, i thought getting arrested for shoplifting meant getting in trouble for trying to carry a store like popeye or something
@Fred_Delicious: "sir, can i ask why you're smoking TWO huge blunts?" "officer, I'm..." *turns to camera* "double jointed" *cop starts breakdancing*