@Michael1979: If you fear that a giraffe has killed your wife and stolen her identity, these are the signs to look out for:
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@jwoodham: All of my passwords are the names of various "Friends" characters. Except for Ross. I've never used Ross. Not after what he did to Rachel.
@BlaineBruce: My dog plays this fun game where she holds her bladder until she gets inside the house
@Fred_Delicious: Me - "did Benjamin Button's pubes fall out or grow back inside his body?" Doctor - "no I meant what seems to be the problem with you"