@Michael1979: If you fear that a giraffe has killed your wife and stolen her identity, these are the signs to look out for:
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@sad_tree: [job interview] "So why do you want to be a jeweler?" ME(thinking about using that eye thing to appraise chicken nuggets): I love rubies
@CheetoBandito77: *turns on shower* *gets undressed* *checks TL real quick* *floods the entire neighborhood*
@dire_beard: Snow White: Someday my prince will come Prince Charming: I swear this has never happened before
@krisv_723: *annual sexual harassment seminar. Boss: We need more seats. Me: *taps lap* I’ve got a place for someone to sit. Boss: *sighing* You’re the reason we have these meetings.