@Michael1979: If you fear that a giraffe has killed your wife and stolen her identity, these are the signs to look out for:
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@shadygeekdad: Guys, when a woman is mad just tell her she's overreacting. She'll realize you're right and calm right down.
@AnOrangeSNES: Galactus is about to eat our solar system when he flips over the label WARNING: CONTAINS MERCURY "No thanks, I'll eat something else."
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Overheard 2 dad's at the playground wondering if my kid was as creepy as me. Joke's on them. I don't have kids.