@nishadtrivedi: If you feel trapped in your body with no way out, just think about that guy in the middle of a conga line.
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@SortaBad: [karate tournament] coach: Billy sweep the leg! me in the crowd: haha hey billy vacuum his head! *Billy just wails opponent with a Dyson*
@SortaBad: How to sleep: 1. Lay down 2. Dim lights 3. Dwell about literally every mistake you've made in your life for 6 hours 4. Rest for 9 minutes
@TweetsByTheTony: Hey, girl. I noticed you checking out my Hello Kitty socks. Just so you know...the boxers match. *winks*