@WilliamAder: If you get a gift from me, there may or may not be a pair of scissors between the wrapping and the gift. I'm gonna need those back.
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@Book_Krazy: Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to 'Toys For Tots' before you're eligible for an Xbox?
@JPHaddadio: My dog's frightened to walk across shiny floors and won't eat dog food unless I heat it up. I have a feeling he'd be a flop out in nature.
@KKAlThani: Sometimes I get take out sushi and eat it at an aquarium just to remind the fish who's boss.
@Brampersandon_: WIFE: you've had enough ME (eating my 68th breadstick): aw man OLIVE GARDEN MANAGER: let him eat one more lol