@WilliamAder: If you get a gift from me, there may or may not be a pair of scissors between the wrapping and the gift. I'm gonna need those back.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@senderblock23: If you smell something bad never ask what it is. Someone could say it is your upper lip. There is no known comeback for this
@NYC_Blonde: That touchdown dance is exactly the same as mine when I wake up in a guy's apartment and his furnished apartment has a nice view.
@Be___Dope: [text] Her: I picked up buffalo wings. Me: * moves furniture around * rolls out plastic sheeting
@SlayerSays: Don't model myself after Marilyn Monroe, but having imperfections & dying naked in bed clutching bottles of pills & champagne seems doable.