@WilliamAder: If you get a gift from me, there may or may not be a pair of scissors between the wrapping and the gift. I'm gonna need those back.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@jimmy_boston: Wife: Did you measure for carpet? Me: Yeah, from the window Wife: Don't Me: To the wall Wife: Don't Me: tothesweatdripoffmyballs! *runs*
@amishschool: If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.
@Naked_Superman: What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
@Sassafrantz: Ghosts never write encouraging stuff on my mirror. It's always "KILL" or "MURDER" or "YOU'RE OUT OF NUTELLA"