@SomthinBoutSara: If you get a text from me that ends in a stream of emojis, my mother has stolen my phone DO NOT ENGAGE
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@rickolantern: Me: I snuck in my own candy and a drink Her: This is a funeral home Me: Without a snack bar
@Mr_Kapowski: 7 y/o daughter: Dad, do trees poop? Me: Of course! 7 y/o: Really? Me: Why do you think they call them "Number 2" pencils?
@NYC_Blonde: Mom: Wanna help gift rap? Me: In West Philadelphia born and raised on the playgro-- oh you mean WRAP? Nah homegirl you're on your own.