@SomthinBoutSara: If you get a text from me that ends in a stream of emojis, my mother has stolen my phone DO NOT ENGAGE
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Playing_Dad: Cop: Wife shot the husband for bothering her while reading a book Sargent: You arrested her? C: No S: Why? C: She's not done with the book
@AndyRichter: My body is a temple, but it's one of those temples in Thailand where they let monkeys shit all over the place
@maisonshouting: MY CAT (checking her watch urgently): 3:30am? oh heavens I was almost late for parkouring loudly about the house
@BeagirlNJ: I'm "I lost my car in a parking lot" years old *clicks alarm, clicks alarm* *silence* Am I even in the right parking lot?