@UniqueDude2: if you get killed while you have to pee your ghost will have to pee but it can't
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@KalvinMacleod: ME: where's your brother? OLDEST CHILD: where's another roll of duct tape? ME: *sprints to the basement*
@jwoodham: INTERVIEWER: If Harry Potter was real, what Hogwarts house would you be in? ME: What do you mean "if" Harry Potter was real?
@garrettbarry70: Dad, was I a cocky teenager? Only when you watched Baywatch in your pyjam.... DAAAD!
@HeyJennyConway: My thoughts are as pure as snow... after the trucks have driven hard and plowed through it.