@hammbone84: If you guys don't start appreciating my tweets, I will introduce my mom to Twitter. Don't make me ruin this for everyone.
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@doublewenis: Everything my three year old says is like listening to a weird roommate describe their LSD dreams.
@Marlebean: My favorite way to mop the bathroom floor is to give the kids a bath. The walls, too. Yup, and ceiling.
@cray_at_home_ma: What if Snow White just pretended to be asleep so she didn't have to clean up after little people anymore? Because that I totally get.