@AaronFullerton: If you had a terrible childhood, you'll be super-bummed out by Bank of America's options for security questions.
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@InternetHippo: [i get a phone call] "Hi we'd like to talk to you about your tweets" ME: Wow thank you but I don't do interviews "This is the police"
@oxygenplug: Can't wait for the release of Jurassic Park 4D where they just let dinosaurs loose in the theater and you have to try to survive for 2 hours
@KyleMcDowell86: KANGAROO(tasting beer) *sips* This is too hoppy for me [BrewMaster] I thought youd love "hoppy" beer lol [Kangaroo] (sternly) That's racist
@AlanFelyk: Personal Trainer: Show me the hardest thing that you do each day. Me: *Goes out front door of gym, comes back in*