@ericsshadow: If you had to decide between being fat and rich or poor and skinny, what bridge would you sleep under?
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@PaperWash: Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can't use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [at my funeral] ventriloquist: please don't judge me, he paid me a lot of money to do this me: hi everybody!
@RBColl: I wonder why call them backup vocals. Was there ever a time the lead fainted and the backup took over the mic and the show went on as usual?