@TheMichaelRock: If you hate yourself, just drink alcohol like an adult; there's no need to vote for Trump.
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@shanethevein: I'm starting to think some of you are actually on Facebook. You know we just joke about being Facebook right?
@internetluke: [Jaden Smith at aquarium] "...any questions?" Do Crabs Think Fish Can Fly? "No" What If Our Air Is Just Bird Water? "Huh" How Can Birds Be R
@XplodingUnicorn: My 1-year-old found a jar of Play-Doh. I figured she couldn't do any harm if she couldn't open it. She threw it at her sister's head.