@charmfoz: If you have 6+ numbers after your name as part of your Twitter handle I can only assume you're an inmate & tweeting from prison.
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@internetluke: [on date] Here, let me help you with your jacket! *i gently remove her jacket* This is mine now. Cya
@JesTurtle: I'm wearing the boxers with the little hearts all over them tonight.... It's probably not a good night to go to jail....
@SondraDeeMe: [home] FRIEND: How'd family dinner go? ME: Huge mess to clean. F: It's spotless! M: *sprays luminol* You'd never know they were even here.
@GeorgeScumbag: Remember ladies. It goes from Twitter to Kik to Voxer to cell phone number to address to being dismembered in a motel bathtub.