@shkeeber: If you have a family member you that you never want to see again, loan them some money.
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@albz: I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".
@ehdannyboy: "Always give your food a rinse before you eat it," my dad always used to say. Lovely man. Made terrible sandwiches.
@Izianikapani: I got hooked on Italian food in high school after my dealer sold me a bag of oregano.
@onion_an: Kids: Dad why have you never taken us swimming [thinking of an excuse because I can't swim] Me: I got killed by a shark once