@shkeeber: If you have a family member you that you never want to see again, loan them some money.
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@GABBYdaAngSaya: [Last Supper] Jesus: *holds up bread* This is my body *holds up wine* This is my blood And this is Sparta! *kicks Judas into a pit*
@hansabumsadaisy: #rubbishjokes What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth? The slowest swimmer.
@rickolantern: Imagine how expensive the iPhone would be if they called themselves Organic Apple.
@dorsalstream: [kids fighting in the back seat] ME: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL PULL OVER AND START A PODCAST RIGHT NOW IF YOU 2 DON'T CUT IT OUT.