@sammyrhodes: "If you have a ministry like Jesus it will probably be made up of about 12 people who don't get your illustrations, & 1 wants to kill you."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ElgatoEsmio: [DUI checkpoint] Cop: I'm gonna need you to follow my finger Me: As long as it doesn't tweet inspirational stuff
@Cpin42: According to Verizon, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.
@HlaoRoo: NRA member: I've got guns. I'm in charge. Me: That's nice. I've got bubonic plague - "cough, cough" - now you do, too. I win.
@david8hughes: Mechanic: that's gonna cost $2000 Me: how much? Mechanic: $3000 Me: what did you say before that Mechanic: I said "that's gonna cost"