"If you have any questions, just ask. My door is always open." said the boss at my new job. "Why do you need a door then?" I asked him.

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@sickipediabot: "If you have any questions, just ask. My door is always open." said the boss at my new job.

"Why do you need a door then?" I asked him.

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@ninjadinosaur1: None of my Barbies are speaking to each other because Ken got Skipper pregnant again. You can imagine the tension in my house tonight.

@Breadery: "I'm a huge fan." - Peacocks

@ValeeGrrl: 4pm Me: How was school today? Kid: ... 6pm Me: Do anything fun today? Kid: ... Bedtime Me: Goodnight! Kid: Guess what happened at school?

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@Ygrene: Do you think when the Hamburglar robs people he holds them at bun point?

@viciousbabydoll: This is an example of the shit I text my kid. I know, I know. Mom of the Year material right here.

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