@numbertze: If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
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@bottlerocket: Twitter keeps throwing in "in case you missed it" on my timeline.... I've been on twitter for the last 16 hours, I didnt miss it.
@ArfMeasures: *sees "The customer is always right" sign* *the waiter sees me looking at it and mouths "not you"*
@graceful_asfuck: My 10 yr old googled how many states are in Oregon so I guess geography skills are like genetic or whatever