@Beerhaze: If you have streaks of purple, green or blue in your hair, I will try to eat that cotton candy off your head until you tell me to stop.
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@Robinbuble: Carpenter ants are bullshit, I left a whole box of ikea furniture here, all they did was carry off my watermelon and steal a picnic basket
@sammontgomery: Cashier at McDonalds said "See you later" a little too smugly at breakfast. I did not appreciate her condescension and told her so at lunch.
@Breadery: My daughter: I know everything Me: What's the capital of brazil? My daughter: that's a secret
@prawn_meat: a deranged scientist in every rickety old house on top of every hill on the outskirts of every town. that's my promise, should i be elected