@robfee: If you have twins name them Adam & Steve so when someone says "Uh, it's Adam & Eve" you can be like "OH REALLY?" and have the boys attack!!
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@WheelTod: In medieval times, infant mortality was so high that parents would often avoid posting pregnancy pics on Facebook until the 3rd trimester.
@Reverend_Scott: Quotes to calm an angry woman: 1. Stress makes you fat. 2. My ex never acted like that. 3. I love you, even if you're just like your mom.
@murrman5: [during ultrasound] wife: I really thought you were the father me: how could you do this to me? wife's grey and black lover: I told y'all
@Death_Buddy: HYPNOTIST: YOU ARE FEELING SLEEPY ME: kinda safe bet there HYPNOTIST: YOU WILL DANCE LIKE AN OCTOPUS ME: again, still no surprises.