@robfee: If you have twins name them Adam & Steve so when someone says "Uh, it's Adam & Eve" you can be like "OH REALLY?" and have the boys attack!!
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@Snarfernini: If you ever say 'I seen' in a sentence. I will never sleep with you. Under any circumstances. Ever.* *including zombie apocalypse
@theshantilly: "Ma'am, are you aware that you were going 92 in a 55? I'm gonna need you to step out of the car." "Um, I have a boyfriend."
@The_Sculptress: The only double penetrating I'll ever do is eating the double stuff Oreo I just dropped into my coffee.