@OhMyBlondie: If you have your Twitter account linked to Facebook I don't think you understand what it is we do here.
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@lisaxy424: I just said “haha omg I love your ugly sweater!” to my CW knowing full well it’s just one of her normal sweaters.
@kunalkamra88: I never understand why do people whisper at funeral's ? The most important guy at this party is dead he can't hear you.
@BoozeWallet: [walking through park with date] Did u know there's more vitamin C in pine needles than in an orange [blood is just pouring from my mouth]
@amydillon: Funny how this Target cashier says "Merry Christmas" like she's not going to see me 50 more times between now & then.