@Breadery: If you hit people hard enough with a tennis racket they turn into waffles.
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@SortaBad: Priest: Do you take this woman to be your wife? Me: "I do" Priest: Ok can you say it again without using finger quotes while you do it
@elle91: My Internet was out for a while so I went downstairs to talk to my mom. She seems nice.
@MikeCanRant: People wont mess with you if you eat a cup of yogurt and then smash it on your forehead because youre tough and have healthy bowel movements
@t0shiba: I keep having this dream that I'm being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?