@Breadery: If you hit people hard enough with a tennis racket they turn into waffles.
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@PaperWash: Paul is coming over tonight Paul smith or Paul who puts ketchup on everything? [car pulls into driveway covered in ketchup]
@Ditchful: adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane
@FuttyNudgekins: When I see a self-help book at a secondhand store, I wonder...does that mean it worked, or it is bullshit?