@NotthatAdamWest: If you hold the door open for me when I'm more than ten feet away, you aren't doing me a favor. You're making me exercise.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ArfMeasures: WIFE: You can't tell kids they're grounded anymore ME: Why not? W: They weren't our kids M: You did see how badly they packed our groceries?
@fro_vo: [First Date] Me: so can I see you again? Her: I had a nice time but I don’t think so Me: *stops holding in stomach*
@jazmasta: *strums ukulele* This one goes out to my ex wife, Lucy. It's called "I know how much you hate ukuleles so I wrote a 9 minute ukulele song"
@gwatts77: I accidentally got my blow up doll pregnant. Related: I've got some balloons for sale.