@theshamingofjay: If you jump through the hole in a hipster's earlobe you get transported to a SIMS game where the only people are Harry Potter characters
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@SLorenzen62: Laundry is racist!! Must separate the whites from the colors!! No delicates allowed? Oh, whites get HOT water, everyone else gets cold!
@sheekaxo: Threw some protein bars in the trash & now the raccoons are bench pressing my neighbors Great Dane in the backyard.
@MisterRots: If I ever become a ghost, no way I'm haunting some abandoned building. I'm finding the nearest lingerie store and setting up shop there
@laughandrun: If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you is all I need. Don't concern yourself with how I got in your house.