@juliussharpe: If you just got invited to do something on New Year's Eve, it means someone else cancelled.
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@gojarbe: [gun goes off] [every runner pretends to be wounded, then laughs and starts the race] ANNOUNCER: and the annual Dad 5k is underway
@LindaInDisguise: My kid is almost old enough for social media so we'll need to have "the talk" soon. You know, about your/you're and their/there/they're.
@VaguelyFunnyDan: Need expensive surgery? Tell a surgeon you're auditioning a few before picking one. Have them do the surgery then say "OK I'll let you know"