@Reverend_Scott: If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you'll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
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@MelvinofYork: I thought my wife was super pissed at me, but it turns out she was only “disappointed” in me. Thank God, I definitely dodged a bullet there
@SortaBad: Last night I found out you can make a lot of people REALLY angry if you dress in a Star Trek costume and also carry a light saber
@wolfpupy: i argued with the parrot at the pet store until it got sold away and the guy who bought it wouldnt let me in his car. that means i won
@illTortuga: From now on, when you see the word "minimum", good luck trying to not imagine a tiny British mother.