@Reverend_Scott: If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you'll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
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@Home_Halfway: We all make fun of Kristen Stewart for her wide variety of facial expressions, but she'd probably kick all our asses in poker.
@TaylorComedy: It's so annoying when you're trying to poison someone but they're just not thirsty :(
@Playing_Dad: *consoling friend who is a baker* I'm really sorry about the fire at your bread shop. Looks like your business is toast now.
@grmonta: I don't know what's more embarrassing, accidentally sending nudes to your boss or getting a pay decrease as a result of your nudes.