@AngryRaccoon2: If you keep your curtains open at night, please know I WILL slow down as I drive by to critique your decorating and see what you're watching.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@chuuew: DR: So, you're 36 years old, 4 foot tall & sound like a woman. How can I help you today, Mr Simpson? BART: I don't know where my hair starts
@hippieswordfish: ME: i thought i saw a new color today WIFE: wait- is this..are you.. M: but it- W: oh no M: was just- W: dont M: a pigment of my imagination
@ThisOneSayz: Unlike in Westworld, "freeze all motor functions" does not stop my 3yo from trying to wash my phone in the toilet.
@Darlainky: Survey: How would you rate the cleaning products you recently purchased from us? Me: I had to clean. 0 out of 5 stars.