@joeldanger: If you know shes had a bad day just ask her how she is doing. Then when shes talking you can think of a good tweet that makes fun of her day
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@causticbob: Greek people must feel like a tampon. They live in one of the most beautiful places in the world, but at the worst period.
@causticbob: Be careful when online dating, if someone describes themselves as outdoorsy, they might just be homeless.
@Home_Halfway: INTERVIEWER: What's your biggest weakness? VANILLA ICE: I've been known to steal under pressure
@eXentRic_: Holy Communion: PRIEST:"This is the body of Christ. Take it " ME:"Uum,can I instagram it first?" *We laughed & then I was excommunicated*