@Cheeseboy22: If you lead a horse to pretzels and then to water, he will definitely drink.
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@2p2TrollCat: Arrived home super drunk. Put the turkey in the oven and went up and banged my wife. Woke up next to the turkey. Afraid to check the oven.
@Rebecca8672: Pro Tip: Before you ask your kid's Principal if he'd like a kiss make sure he can see the chocolate you're holding in your hand.
@JoParkerBear: [in bed] Him: What are you thinking? Me: (blushing) I don't wanna say Him: You can tell me Me: I wish I knew more about campaign finance law