@BeardSpice: If you leave your house with one leg, that's going out on a limb.
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@Adar79Angie: When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
@ProdigyNelson: [date] Her: "Well, the horoscopes pretty much govern my life, I'm a sagittarius, what are you?" Me: *halfway out the door* "Educated."
@UNTRESOR: Avoid unwanted pregnancies by using the "pull out" method where you pull out an acoustic guitar at a party & no one will have sex with you.
@billmaher: New evidence shows #marijuana not only helps with cancer side effects but may fight cancer itself! Oh pot, is there anything u can't do?