@SlackArab: If you lend someone $20 and never see them again, it was probably worth it.
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@papasuncle: God: Basically u just chill. Cow: Nice. God: I mean, at first. Cow: ...then? God: Then people murder u to eat ur insides & wear u as a coat.
@joshandbeyond: Dad: There's no use crying over spilled milk son. Me: But dad it was tequila! Dad: What!? *cries immensely*
@Book_Krazy: [Couples Therapy] HER: He keeps pretending he's a doctor. This relationship is dead HIM: I'm calling it. Time of death, 9:26 ME: OMG SEE!