@CakeThrottle: If you lie down on the floor in McDonald's you get to meet the manager
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@iamspacegirl: [answering door on halloween] NEIGHBORHOOD MOM: please stop giving the children hamsters ME *hands full of hamsters*: but it's Halloween
@TheReal_AndyMac: Someone once asked me if I was drunk. I said yes. That was the shortest job interview I've ever had.
@postcrunk: is the ultimate american drug watching an entire season of a tv show at once or getting married so you don't have to die alone?
@novicefather: I played dead in the living room to see how my 2yo would respond. He climbed on my "corpse" for 5 minutes then turned on the tv.