@AndyRichter: If you like airborne fecal matter you'll love being alive on earth
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@velweb: My 12 yr. old girl is having a sleepover tonight. She told me, "DO NOT EMBARRASS ME!" I'm considering twerking to Ace of Base later.
@NeinQuarterly: The #NSA walks into a bar. Bartender: "Got a new joke for you." NSA: "Heard it."
@kelkulus: What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this!