@noog: If you listen to a Miley Cyrus song backwards you can hear Satan refusing to have sex with her.
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@jazmasta: That hot guy you see on the train every day with headphones on? Imagine....imagine if he was listening to a podcast. Not so hot now is he?
@astutenewf: *boss at staff meeting* Hey, do you have anything positive to add to this meeting? Yeah, I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open.
@nowme_datta: How do people get their drivers to murder someone? Mine sulks if I ask him to fetch groceries.