@noog: If you listen to a Miley Cyrus song backwards you can hear Satan refusing to have sex with her.
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@TheUnderfold: Your other foot. Nope. Still the other foot. You have two feet this isn't hard. THE. OTHER. FOOT. OMG -me watching a toddler put shoes on
@NerishaLakha: I don't care about Disney lying about my Prince Charming. I'm more pissed about forest creatures and their unwillingness to clean my house.
@LoneWolfStories: Her: Let's go shopping. Me: In your dreams. Her: The boutique has Wi-Fi. Me: Why are we still here?
@brycoo: [HR office] Do you know why we called you in today? To give me a pay rise? No. Because I googled 'How to burn down office' 600 times? Yes.