@noog: If you listen to a Miley Cyrus song backwards you can hear Satan refusing to have sex with her.
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@shawnspree: Friend: How many calories does heartache burn? Me: Depends on how many calories are in the person you are setting on fire.
@carlyken: [interview at winery] What strengths do you bring to the job? *long pause while Jesus glares at interviewer* Are you being serious right now