@topaz_kell: If you look up my hair color history at the salon, you'll think I'm a unicorn.
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@miller_tm: Just got an email from dominoes said "easy and delicious" they sure know how to talk to a single guy!
@Breadery: My daughter: I know everything Me: What's the capital of brazil? My daughter: that's a secret
@Token_Geezer: The amount of time my phone spends plugged in you may as well call it a landline
@PaperWash: "I hope they bought enough beer so they won't notice how much I'm drinking" -My prayer as I pull into my parents driveway