@AdamUrbane: If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
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@KeetPotato: [gets pulled over] cop: "sir, do you know how fast you were going?" [i've swapped places with the dog] me: "answer the man"
@Jennuflect: *wakes up w/phone in hand* Me:[texting] Sorry I fell asleep on ya last night *text chime* Couch: I'm like right here why are you texting me?
@nyax6: Abraham: look here son, i got windows 98! Isaac: but dad, we don't have enough memory? Abraham:Have faith, God will provide the RAM.
@Tmoney68: As the fridge door was about to shut, I grabbed pizza & barely got my arm out before it closed. *Legally changes name to Indiana Jones*