@EasilyTempted: If you love a balloon, set it free. If it comes back to you, it probably wasn't a balloon.
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@thinkingparsnip: BRUCE LEE: Be formless, shapeless, like water. HARPER LEE: Things are never as bad as they seem. PARSLEY: I am a stalk vegetable.
@mjkspeaks: [Walmart customer service] ME: i want to talk to the manager. MANAGER: hi sir is there a problem? ME: no, i just want to talk.
@CalebTenenbaum: If a 99lb girl eats a 1lb plate of nachos is she technically 1% nachos? I think I'm on to something...