@JumpingJesusH: If you love a cat, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours to keep. If it doesn't, you drove far enough.
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@kumailn: Advertisers think we're like "Oh a pop-up ad is in the way of the thing I actually want to watch? I should purchase whatever it's selling!"
@SammySkinns: Michaelangelo: Yea, sure, I'll paint your ceiling. *To himself* Errybody gon be naked tho.
@UNTRESOR: The average time it takes for an elderly woman to get her ringing cellphone out of her purse is 11 days.
@troublewinks: Officer: You drinking? Me: You buying? Oh how we laughed and laughed.... PS: I need bail money.