@JumpingJesusH: If you love a cat, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours to keep. If it doesn't, you drove far enough.
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@LlamaInaTux: (Invention of the necktie) I can't figure out how to tie this silk noose. Looks like I'll have to go to the dinner party after all.
@LousyLibrarian: I understand why this patron is so upset. His plan -- to come to the library on the last day of tax season and expect to find someone there who would promptly file his taxes for him -- seemed, admittedly, foolproof.
@NewDadNotes: Angel: so you named this screwdriver a flathead cause it's head is flat? God: yep Angel: What are you gonna call this other one? God: Phil