@JumpingJesusH: If you love a cat, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours to keep. If it doesn't, you drove far enough.
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@sweet_pea707: *interview* So, why do you want to be a judge? *Imagines myself going work everyday in my robe* "To fight crime"
@DirtMcTurd: My girlfriend says she's my best friend but she got so mad when I called her a homo and threw a snowball at her face. Women are so confusing
@buck4itt: Just learned an important lesson: When texting "wish you were here," that last e kind of makes it or breaks it.
@WSiefford: I'm so sorry my pet rock attacked you. Its just he really hates arrogant douche bags. Thank god he only hit your face.