@MoistPork: If you love somebody, let them go. If they're smart, they'll keep going.
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@SteveSuckington: I can't figure out why my son hates me. Tim hates you? No, my other son. I can't remember his name. I just call him "not Tim"
@jennfer46: Husband wanted me to go hunting today. He bought me the cutest brown outfit and a cute lil hat, you know with the fake antl..wait a minute
@FeralCrone: An alien makes contact. I take it home, give it a sandwich. Then ice cream. And then, to show we're an advanced race, an ice cream sandwich.
@That_Damn_Duck: *Watching YouTube videos* Boss: What are you watching? Me: .... Boss: ... Me: Church? Boss: That's a dog on a unicycle. Me: Praise The Lord!