@rorygneesmith: If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, it's because no one else wanted them.
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@daemonic3: My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It's odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.
@secondofhername: Friend: I'm about to appear in court. Me: Best of luck! Kill it!! Friend:...not exactly the best phrase to use in a medical negligence case.
@Hormonella: Me: Hey, great costume, buddy! You look like a real... Him: Ma'am, please step out of the vehicle.