@lorigonzalez28: If you love someone, poison them a little bit each day. If they don't suspect you at all, they might be the ONE.
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@onion_an: Me: My dog ran away two days ago Dog pound: Does he have a tag? Me [covers phone to ask wife]: Is the dog on Instagram?
@EasilyTempted: If you love a balloon, set it free. If it comes back to you, it probably wasn't a balloon.
@nice_mustard: before mcdonald's i bet "don't buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule