@TravLeBlanc: If you love someone, set them free. If they come back with two police officers, you'll know that setting them free was a bad idea.
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@TjSmooth0: *job interview* "Youre 30? Why haven't you accomplished your life goals?" "Tbh I thought the Mayan apocalypse was real. No plan past that."
@DirtMcTurd: My wife said I couldn't finger paint and also she says that "Paint" is a stupid name for our cat
@SadieSkyNinja: If they cause you to have anxiety & panic attacks the majority of your relationship, move on. In related news, I just broke up with my mom
@brendohare: A nation cheers as Bigfoot is finally found. "We just yelled his name," said the head explorer. "Can't believe no one thought of that."