@ashleyaustrew: If you love someone, set them free. If they cry and refuse to leave the bathroom you're in, they're your kids.
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@meat_tornado_: write your suicide note in frosting on a cake so no one can eat it and people will still hate you even though you are dead
@Brampersandon_: OCTOPUS: *places tentacle on Bible* JUDGE: Do u swear to tell the truth? O: Yes BAILIFF: *spends like 8 minutes trying to get Bible unstuck*
@simoncholland: A baby that is starting to wake up from a nap is like a solar eclipse. Whatever you do, do not look directly at it.