@ashleyaustrew: If you love someone, set them free. If they cry and refuse to leave the bathroom you're in, they're your kids.
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@shkeeber: Me: *looking at pics* Cute! What breed is it? Looks like a Puggle Co-worker: It's my daughter Me: Yeah, they feel like family, don't they?
@iRowlf: You can get a free carton of ice cream at the grocery store if you eat the whole thing before the cops show up.
@brynnester: [Restaurant] Waiter: Would Sir care to choose his lobster? Me: There's only 1 in the tank & he's holding a sign that says 'I have a family'
@NicCageMatch: Overheard a woman telling another woman "It's $150 and she supplies all the turtles" and whatever it is, I'm in.