@ashleyaustrew: If you love someone, set them free. If they cry and refuse to leave the bathroom you're in, they're your kids.
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@Genevieve0404: "Pop star, Justin Bieber, was charged with DUI, driving with an expired license and resisting arrest." Britney Spears whispers, "Amateur."
@joejwest: COP: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea SUSPECT: Is it bring your kid to work day? LITTLE GIRL: [slams fist on desk] Answer the question