@Jtweeters: If you love someone, set them free. If they return... something, something, Justin Bieber's a lesbian.
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@CranalBeads: just when my neighbors think they know me, I sprint across their yard pushing a wheelbarrow full of hair
@inmynewskin: Let your girlfriend know how much you love her by screeching loudly like a pterodactyl whenever she talks.
@iluvyogacats: Me: *enters exam room Doctor: Please take off your... M: *unbuttons pants D: ?? M: *pauses* D: GLASSES! D: I'M AN EYE DR DAMNIT!
@PFitzpa: My husband & I have a secret signal we use when it's time to leave a party. I pull an air horn out of my purse and blast it.