@AhmedAllabidy: If you love someone, set them on fire. If they come back, it's a phoenix
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@KKBowls: I just saw a spider on the wall, I went to hit it -- it just fell and ran away. I was all, 'Oh my God, he knows what I look like.'
@3sunzzz: Doctor: I'm going to listen to your lungs so just breathe normal. Me: Well now you've made THAT nearly impossible.
@dinokitten: [at Chinese restaurant] "Hi I'll have a large goingon" -What is goingon? "Nothing much, just hungry for some Chinese food"