@AhmedAllabidy: If you love someone, set them on fire. If they come back, it's a phoenix
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@Ramitology: Thank God you've updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn't tolerate more suspense.
@rolldiggity: Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."
@JasonLastname: Tell the dude at Starbucks your name is Poison Coffee, and when he calls your name, fall out of your chair onto the floor.
@thatUPSdude: Her: We have rats! Me: We do? Her: Look something gnawed thru this package of cookies! Me: (wipes crumbs from my mouth) I'll buy traps.