@awkwardphilippe: If you love someone, throw your earbuds at them. There's a good chance they'll be entangled in them and won't be able to run.
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@novicefather: A breakfast buffet at my funeral so people will be happy. But with soy bacon and chia seed pancakes so they know it's a time to grieve.
@dubstep4dads: Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic
@Underchilde: Starting a blog that’s just reviews of the food I steal out of the fridge at work.