@weinerdog4life: If you love something keep it in the refrigerator, keep it fresh, that thing you love is a lot like mayonnaise.
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@onelongbender: When people tell me I'm intimidating, I generally just glare at them until they take it back.
@KissabiX: Shakira: It's not you, it's me Soon to be ex boyfriend: *looks at her hips* Shakiras hips: It totally is you, you breathe far too heavily
@nice_mustard: yes 911 i need to report a kidnapping. lol yeah there's a baby goat asleep in my lap. no dont send cops you'll wake him up