@captainkalvis: cop: what do we put for cause of death me: health complications cop: but he was beheaded me: really complicates one's health, doesn't it

@bracealmighty: My mate called me an idiot for always getting my idioms wrong but it takes one to know someone.

@d_duhwit: Me: I treat my body like a temple. *leaves body in the Mexican jungle for 500 years*

@PinkCamoTO: I've had my phone battery die at a family function. Nothing scares me now.

@Swishergirl24: Doctor: You have bronchitis Me: OMG I've always wanted a dinosaur!What do I feed it?