If you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t comeback, tell everyone she has herpes.

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@BestWorstAdvice: If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't comeback, tell everyone she has herpes.

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@Reverend_Scott: [1st day as police officer] PARTNER: THAT CAR FLEW BY DOING 126 MPH! LET'S ROLL! ME: Um, ok, but I literally JUST got this ice cream cone.

@mishakey: Him: Wow you're eating again? Me: Wow you're celibate again?

@IdiotOlympics: What did i just read...

@tarashoe: STRANGER: she has a book. cute and smart ME: [taking a bite of the small layer cake i made to look like a book] STRANGER: a stunning genius

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@kristynhearts: Do you think maybe humans are gonna evolve with longer arms for selfie purposes?

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