@Kyle_Lippert: If you love something, let it go. Let it run until it reaches the invisible wall & the shock collar you attached to it's ankle cripples them
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@UhhhJasonWebb: Took an edible and got so nervous on this flight that I started petting someone else’s service dog.
@yoyoha: Leaving a watermelon on someone's doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
@Jennco_W: Hey tampon makers, can I get a silent tampon wrapper please? Sounds like I'm opening a bag of Sun Chips up in here.
@Tommytoughstuff: "Hello welcome to meteorologist school. Please stick your head out of the nearest window and pick your diploma up on your way out."