@Kyle_Lippert: If you love something, let it go. Let it run until it reaches the invisible wall & the shock collar you attached to it's ankle cripples them
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@hot_coughy: When a woman says "I can't even tell you how upset I am right now" just wait 3 seconds.
@IamEnidColeslaw: cats are the best because you can pet one while you're talking to someone and look totally evil
@GABBYdaAngSaya: [Last Supper] Jesus: *holds up bread* This is my body *holds up wine* This is my blood And this is Sparta! *kicks Judas into a pit*
@Crutnacker: Biden: I painted "Michelle Obama 2020" on your bedroom ceiling Obama: 😳 Biden: Glow in the dark paint