@senderblock23: If you love something, let it go. Unless that thing is a cat. Your cat will not come back.
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@VintageBabe1212: Decided to stop partying at friends houses who have toddlers... Those childproof bathroom doorknobs are absolutely hell to open while drunk.
@Bob_Heller: Party Tip: At a 3-year-old's birthday party, you can piss all over the bathroom. ALL OVER!!!! Nobody will suspect you.
@emmatheist: Sometimes when my boyfriend makes a racist joke I am like Ugh why did I even imagine you?
@MarfSalvador: me: thanks for letting me work from home boss: *turns off shower* I meant your home